But not necessarily in that order as the cookies are at each step of the way here. That time of year again when my daughter brings home the cookies, and then the cookie case stares longingly at me to open it and the next thing that happens is as natural as rain, the box i just scarfed down is laughing at me because it knows tomorrow that i will have opened another one! HA on you lady it taunts me!! So I hid the case in the closet so I don't have to look at it and subsequently get the urge to go near it.
I turned 38 about a week ago, not too sure which feeling is stronger. The one to hide in bed and convalesce, or the one to say screw it and go out and get another tattoo. I know most would say, "hey, go with the tattoo" but the way i have been feeling lately I want to climb under the covers and stay there. Depression? I don't think so, I had that, done that, taken all the meds. It's probably just the fact that at this age I had always thought I would be in my forever career, in my dream home, happily married, with 3 or 4 kids. So my reality looks nothing like this at all obviously. I love my kids, my dog, my family. But dating sucks, renting sucks, and trying to find a job just sucks too so a whole lot of things suck right now, including the finances. I'm not down, I'm just ambivalent for the moment you could say. I know I'm not the only one. Come on who else out there can add to my list of sucks at this side of almost 40!
I am slowly starting to get out of my writers block again. It seams every 3 months I go through a good 3 or 4 weeks of nothing on the brain. Not sure if this means Alzheimer's in my future or maybe its just to much stress. Probably stress. Again a re-occuring theme in my life. Who needs it! I used to handle stress just fine up until the marriage fell apart, I guess that opens the flood gates to all the other emotions that can hamper you down whenever you try to accomplish something all for a worthy cause after the rough stuff is over. Well I got divorced but it won't get me, or rather get to me again if I can help it. Hopefully tonight I can get through it gracefully without trying to sneak into the closet to grab another box of cookies. : /
I turned 38 about a week ago, not too sure which feeling is stronger. The one to hide in bed and convalesce, or the one to say screw it and go out and get another tattoo. I know most would say, "hey, go with the tattoo" but the way i have been feeling lately I want to climb under the covers and stay there. Depression? I don't think so, I had that, done that, taken all the meds. It's probably just the fact that at this age I had always thought I would be in my forever career, in my dream home, happily married, with 3 or 4 kids. So my reality looks nothing like this at all obviously. I love my kids, my dog, my family. But dating sucks, renting sucks, and trying to find a job just sucks too so a whole lot of things suck right now, including the finances. I'm not down, I'm just ambivalent for the moment you could say. I know I'm not the only one. Come on who else out there can add to my list of sucks at this side of almost 40!
I am slowly starting to get out of my writers block again. It seams every 3 months I go through a good 3 or 4 weeks of nothing on the brain. Not sure if this means Alzheimer's in my future or maybe its just to much stress. Probably stress. Again a re-occuring theme in my life. Who needs it! I used to handle stress just fine up until the marriage fell apart, I guess that opens the flood gates to all the other emotions that can hamper you down whenever you try to accomplish something all for a worthy cause after the rough stuff is over. Well I got divorced but it won't get me, or rather get to me again if I can help it. Hopefully tonight I can get through it gracefully without trying to sneak into the closet to grab another box of cookies. : /
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